Delirios de un fantoche demente

El deliciosamente cretino Fernando Vallejo vuelve a las andadas: click aquí.

Todo tiempo pasado fué peor

Agradezco de antemano a Maritza por el link de Superdickery, una galería de portadas de comics de los años 30 a los 80 (a grosso modo) en donde Superman se revela ser el desgraciado que siempre sospeché que fuese:

Watchmen Funnies

Mas profanación humorística en SomethingAwful...

Hell, no...

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
Hey

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
Me vi Hellboy

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
que mierda tan decepcionante

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie dice:
Y que tal?

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie dice:
Su veredicto?

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
muchisimo peor de lo que la esperaba

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie dice:
Jajaajajajajajjajajajajaja

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
pesima, pesima, pesima

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
en todos los sentidos menos en el maquillaje

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie dice:
Eso sólo podía venir de Felipe Sobreiro!! ^_^

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
muy mala

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
que decepcion

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie dice:
De plano tanto la odió?

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
Hellboy no era el de los comics sino un adolescente problematico en estado de embriaguez

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
como un Wolverine infantil

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie dice:
Eso fue lo que le dije, no dira que no se lo adverti

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie dice:
Todo lo justificaron con la frase de que en terminos humanos estaba en los 20 años

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
y se la pasa sonriendo

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
y se la pasa en la ciudad (cuando ha pasado eso en los comics?!)

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
y ENAMORADO DE LIZ SHERMAN?!!!!

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie dice:
Jajaajajajajajajajajaja

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie dice:
Jajajaajajajajajajajajaja

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
y el peor fue Abe Sapien

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
no era el tipo cinico y bacano de los comics sino un mimo con poderes mentales

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie dice:
Ah, segun eso es porque dizque tenia casi la misma personalidad que Hellboy y lo quisieron hacer distinto

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
que guion tan grotesco y mediocre el de Del Toro

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie dice:
Je

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
putrefacto

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
y no es nerdez mia

Cronica de un Suicidio Anunciado dice:
es como si alguien hiciera una pelicula sobre Crimen y Castigo pero Raskolnikov es Vin Diesel, un tipo cool que dice one liners y cuando mata a la viejita le dice "Una menos cobrando pension", y escapa de la policia y hay perseciones por las calles de Moscow, y salen unos ninjas

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie dice:
JAJAAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAAJAJJAJAAJJAAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA

The Incredible Bulk

Cine 2 en 1

En el V Forum hicimos, el año pasado, un juego en el que combinábamos películas al estilo Amalgam. Estas son las que yo inventé, mezclando los resumenes disponibles en IMBD:

REQUIEM FOR A FIELD OF DREAMS
Iowa farmer Ray Kinsella, heroin addict, hears a voice in his corn field tell him, "If you build it, he will come." He interprets this message as an instruction to start his own business selling drugs. His mother Sara (Burt Lancaster), trying to fit in a red dress, starts a diet with uppers, which leads her to see the ghosts of Shoeless Joe Jackson and the other seven Chicago White Sox players banned from the game for throwing the 1919 World Series. When the voices continue, Ray seeks out a reclusive author Tyrone (James Earl Jones) to help him sell even more drugs and be able to buy his mother a new TV.

FREE WILLY HUNTING
Willy (Matt Damon) is a genius orca whale who's living a rough life in Oregon's waters, while being employed at a prestigious marina, he's discovered by a Fields Medal winning Professor (Michael Madsen) who eventually tries to get Willy to turn his fin back to it's original shape with the help of a vandal boy (Robin Williams), as Willy begins to realize that there's more to himself then he thinks there is.

MY LEFT FOOTLOOSE
Ren McCormack (Kevin Bacon) is a spastic quadriplegic born to a large, poor family. His mother recognizes the dancing skills and humanity in the lad everyone else, specially music-hating Reverend Shaw Moore (John Lithgow) regards as a vegetable. Eventually, Ren matures into a great dancer who uses his only functional limb, his left foot, to dance with.

GROUNDHOG DAY AFTERNOON
Based upon true events, a New York weather man (Bill Murray) and two accomplices are besieged in a bank with all the bank employees after his attempt to rob enough money to pay for his male lover's sex change operation goes awry. On awaking the 'following' morning he discovers that it's the same day again, and again, and again. First he uses this to his advantage, then comes the realisation that he is doomed to spend the rest of eternity listening the same crap from his annoying fat wife.

THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT SCHMIDT
Having never fully recovered from a prom date that became a total disaster, Ted (Ben Stiller) finally gets a chance to reunite with his old prom date, Warren Schmidt (Jack Nicholson) - now a recently widowed retired man in his 60's - , only to run up against other suitors including the sleazy detective he hired to find him.

DIRTY HAIR
This movie, based on cult Broadway musical of the 60s, tells a story about Dirty Harry, young man from Oklahoma who comes to San Francisco to joing the Police Department. There he strikes up a friendship with the group of cops, led by Berger, and falls in love with Sheila, girl from the rich family. However, their happines is short because Harry must go to the streets and kick some ass. Memorable coreographies and songs including "Make My Day" are the highlights of the movie.

MR. INDIANA JONES
The story about the relationship between a manic depressive archeologist and expert in the occult, Mr. Indiana Jones (Richard Gere), and the female Nazi doctor who takes more than a professional interest in his treatment. Indy, and his doctor, escape from various close scrapes in a quest that takes them from Nepal to Cairo, including a very dangerous roof of a half-built house.

WONDER BOYZ N THE HOOD
Furious Tripp (Laurence Fishburne) is a professor/writer living in South Central Los Angeles who is struggling with writer's block. Whilst doing this, he also manages to get the chancellor (Angela Basset) pregnant. In the meantime, he and a college student, Doughboy (Tobey McGuire) are trying to find a rare jacket once owned by Marilyn Monroe, and a college girl, Hannah Green (Cuba Gooding Jr) boarding with Grady has a bit of a crush on him.

DUDE, WHERE'S MY WHALE: THE VOYAGE HOME
Kirk and Spock, two bumbling stoners from the 23rd century, wake up one morning from a night of partying and find that a space probe emanating strange sounds causes major storms and some scatological gags. On a journey back to the 20th century they encounter a variety of people who include their angry girlfriends, an angry street gang, a transexual stripper hounding them for a suitcase full of stolen money and some humpback whales they eventually bring back to their time.

THE SIXTH SENSE FROM OUTER SPACE
Often billed as the worst movie ever made, and not entirely undeserving of the title, this is a masterpiece of M. Night Shyamalan's making. Bruce Willis was cast in the role of "Malcolm Crowe" but passed away before filming really started. So what happens? The producer's wife's chiropractor (Mr. Reynold's was the executive producer) takes over as "Malcolm Crowe" and holds his cape in front of his face THE ENTIRE MOVIE. Add to this numerous plot inconsistencies, horrid acting, and masses of stock footage - some of which we see several times and you have a terrible but funny movie. A highly advanced dead people culture is determined to destroy Earth before our scientists discover a bomb which will explode sunlight. In order to destroy our world, of several billion people, they raise three zombies from the dead, including Bruce Willis himself. The plan is exposed by the tormented kid Cole, played by Tor Johnson, who is the only one who actually sees the invaders.

AS GOOD AS IT GET CARTER
A vicious, obsessive-compulsive writer, Melvin Carter, travels to Baltimore for his gay brother's funeral. He begins to suspect that his brother's death was not an accident and sets out to follow a complex trail of lies, deceit, cover-ups and backhanders through Baltimore's underworld, leading, he hopes, to the waitress who ordered his brother killed.

FINDING FORREST GUMP
Because of scoring exceptionaly high on a state wide standardized exam and being an exceptionally good basketball player Bubba Bufford-Blue is sent to a prestigious prep school in Alabama. He soon befriends the mentally challenged writer Forrest Gump. The friendship leads Forrest to overcome his reclusiveness and for Bubba to overcome the racial prejudices and pursue his true dream - fishing shrimp.

RESERVOIR DOGS GO TO HEAVEN
When a casino owning dog named Charlie (Harvey Keitel) is murdered, he finds himself in Heaven basically by default since all dogs to heaven. However, since he wants to get back at his killer, he cons his way back to the living with the warning that doing that damns him to Hell. Once back, he teams with 5 fellow thugs to prep his retaliation. Things get ugly when Charlie finds out that one of the dogs he hired may actually be the one who killed him. Featuring the voices of Tim Roth, Steve Buscemi and Dom DeLuise.

THE DEVIL’S RAIN MAN
Selfish yuppie Charlie Babbitt's father dies melted by a bunch of satanists and leaves a fortune -- to Raymond, the institutionalized savant brother that Charlie didn't know he had. They set out on a cross-country journey of discovery. With Dustin Hoffman, Ernest Borgnine, Tom Skerrit and John Travolta.

P.I.S.S.E.R

Product Information & Safety Superhero Education Rangers:

Interpretación Libre

Algunas placas instructivas emitidas por el DHS, interpretadas por los de SafeNow:

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds.

After all life is gone, modern appliances will continue to run forever. Think about it.

Supaida-man

Como si el Hombre Araña no fuera lo suficientemente ridículo, descubro que en Japón existió una versión sentai del personaje, a finales de los 70s. Tenía una moto y un robot-araña (?) gigante:

Pésimamente Buena

Logré por fin ver Plan 9 From Outer Space, de Ed Wood. En realidad creo que es difícil estipular que esta sea sin dudas la peor película de todos los tiempos (existiendo cosas como lo que filma Michael Bay, el cine colombiano y Bollywood), pero es tan torpe en algunos momentos que es imposible no divertirse. Además de no tener presupuesto, Wood tenía un pésimo gusto y escribía frases como "And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future."...

Acá les paso el comentario de BadMovies.org, en inglés:

Often billed as the worst movie ever made, and not entirely undeserving of the title, this is a masterpiece of Ed Wood's making. Bela Lugosi was cast in the role of "Ghoul Man" but passed away before filming really started. So what happens? The producer's wife's chiropractor (Mr. Reynold's was the executive producer) takes over as "Ghoul Man" and holds his cape in front of his face THE ENTIRE MOVIE. Add to this numerous plot inconsistencies, horrid acting, and masses of stock footage - some of which we see several times and you have a terrible but funny movie. A highly advanced alien culture is determined to destroy Earth before our scientists discover a bomb which will explode sunlight, the description Eros gives of this is quite funny. In order to destroy our world, of several billion people, they raise three zombies from the dead. I have to tell you that despite this film's horrid nature, I dearly love it for being so bad.

Vale mucho la pena verla, en especial si hacen como yo y antes se ven la película de la vida de Wood, Ed Wood, dirigida por Tim Burton.

Que chistoso, el tío

En El Patíbulo pusieron un especial extenso sobre payasos. Léanlo. La parte de la carta de la niña a la abuela es lo mejor...

Luego el tío Fely nos hizo una obrita con sus marionetas. Bien raro, Mamagrande, el tío; cada vez sale menos de su cuarto, y como que quiere mucho a "Manolita", la marioneta que la hace de la bailarina... que por cierto tiene la cara como muy descolorida... ¡Ah! Y a veces hasta dice que la "Manolita" es su novia, ¡qué chistoso el tío!, ¿no? Pero, fíjese, yo creo que está bien triste por algo, porque a veces paso por su cuarto y se oyen como pujidos. Ojalá ya consiga novia.